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"I'm still looking for rainbows while standing in the rain."

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Hiccups, Bumps and Bruises



“We have some unexpected developments, huh? You doing okay?” he asked.

I instinctively smiled; it’s not hard to smile at my straight-shooting, young doctor with a sparkle of the boy still left in him. In any other career he probably would not have already lost so much of that fun-loving nature, but I am sure that being a cancer doctor takes a toll and matures a man beyond his years.

It was unusual for Dr. Pavelka, my remarkable gynecological oncologist, to be in the cancer treatment area Thursday, August 24. I don’t think he popped in on “our” side of things just to see me, but he did have reason to stop and reassure me. I greeted him, hoping to get some answers from him. Like most doctors who specialize in certain cancers, I imagine he has way more patients than he should or wants. That alone accounts for him having two wonderful nurse practioners who help handle his appointments. I don’t get to see him for all of my doctors’ appointments, which happen on the first of three cycles in each round of chemo. I see him about every third one of those. (That means six scheduled doctors’ appointments, but only two or three with him. They do work well as a team- the whole place does.)

“We have hiccups,” I replied, with a smile. 

His eyebrow danced up. “Hiccups, too?”

“No, silly. Not literally.” I nodded to my right leg which was propped up in the chemo treatment chair.

Dr. Pavelka chuckled and then turned serious. “Don’t worry about this. These things happen with chemo patients. We’ve got a plan and the nurse is talking with your insurance right now. It’s all just a bump in the road.”

The main wall of the vascular area of St. Elizabeth. Something to think about...
On that Monday I had noticed a tightness in my left leg that resembled the after effects of the charlie horses I used to get. I didn’t remember getting one, but I thought maybe a cramp just had to work itself out. On Thursday it was still around and I mentioned it to my chemotherapy nurse. She said she didn’t think it was a cramp, but that she would bring it to the attention of my doctor. She reported back that my doctor had ordered a sonogram of my leg to rule out a blood clot. A visit with one of the nurse practioners calmed my nerves and I was taken to the vascular area of the hospital. The sonographer explained things to me as she took sonograms of both of my legs from the ankle to groin. She wouldn’t tell me what she saw, but she did tell my nurse who wheeled me back to the cancer care center for my scheduled chemotherapy.

The word was that two blood clots had developed in my right leg, one in my calf (where had I felt the tightness) and behind my knee. Back at the cancer care center, my dear friend Amy was sitting in my chair visiting with my dad. She had come to experience my chemo treatment with me and support me. Her presence gave me more peace. After a hug, I took back my chair, and the nurses resumed my chemo routine. I was surprised by this, but glad we were going ahead with the long day. Visiting with Amy kept my mind off things and I'm glad we could bond over this. I had thought I would be leaving by 2pm and Amy would take me home, but all these developments meant it would be more like 4pm. Amy stayed as long as she could and Dad would see that I got home. I was assured that Dr. Pavelka had a plan to address the clots and the nurse was already coordinating with my pharmacy and insurance the best course of action. I took the fact they were going to proceed with my chemo treatment to mean that things were going to be okay. 

The support and love of friends like Amy mean so much!
That’s when Dr. Pavelka. came in. It turns out that it was more difficult to get my insurance to cover the life-saving treatment than to diagnosis and prescribe the treatment. Finally all parties agreed upon a blood thinning regime of subcutaneous injections twice daily for six months. Seems like a long time to me, but it’s what needs to be done. So for the next six months I am injecting a blood thinner in the fatty area of my stomach (that’s about anywhere on my stomach) twice a day. I get a reminder on my phone at 7:00 am and 7:00 pm to the tune of “Ode to Joy.” Good thing bikini season is over; I’m covered in tiny bruises in various states of healing and will be for awhile. 

Two weeks later Dr. Pavelka and I were discussing bumps in the road again during a scheduled visit with him before the start of my second last round of treatment. (I receive weekly treatment every Thursday. Six rounds with three treatments each. I am about to begin round five.) I had visited the cancer care center briefly the day before for my blood draw. Evidently two of my counts were low, my white cell count and hemoglobin. I had noticed that things were trending that way, so I wasn’t completely surprised by this news.
Dr. Pavelka wasn’t surprised either. He says that the effect of chemo is cumulative and that I should expect it to be harder now than in the beginning. I had noticed that I was getting more lethargic and my resting pulse was higher. He says that both are directly tied to these lower counts brought on by my chemo therapy. His treatment plan was to postpone the start of round five one week to give my bone morrow a chance to recover and to put me on an iron supplement.

Despite the blood clots and the lower counts I am doing well. I get very tired quickly, but I donn't experience the sickness we imagine with chemotherapy. I am taking anti-nausea medicines that really work. Still I don't like these hiccups and bumps. Dr. Pavelka admonished me, “You can’t expect everything to go smoothly all the time.” 

Yes, I can, and I do. But I am learning to nod my head and be flexible. I’m adjusting my brain around these developments. I’m disappointed that I’ll have to postpone some vacation plans Dan and I had discussed. I’m trying to be kind to myself, but not be lazy. I’m working part-time (24-30 hours a week), working on some creative projects when my brain is working, and trying to be more helpful around the house. I am still largely staying with Mom and Dad, for which I am greatly thankful. They are a great reason for my peace of mind, and the fact that I get fed and have clean clothes to wear.

“These are just bumps in the road. We are on the right course,” assures Dr. Pavelka.

12 comments:

  1. You can do this! You look beautiful!

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    1. Thank you, Dee. I'm taking the opportunity to get creative with my look. I will need to do a blog entry all about that. I really need to spend more time here. Sometimes it just gets hard to wrap my head around words, which I miss.

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  2. Love, hugs, prayers--you do look beautiful.

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    1. Thank you kindly, Sharon. I appreciate you following my blog. I intend to spend more time here. God bless you and yours!

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  3. Sending much love and lots of prayers! You are an inspiration to all of us, Dawn!

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    1. Thank you so much for your support, Michele. Please pass on my regards to our sisters in arms. We need to get together again before the end of the year!

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  4. Sweet Dawn (((hugs))) my friend. I know the joy and comfort you feel being "home" with your parents while dealing with health issues. We will never be able to show our true appreciation to them but we can rest assured they already know. Looking back on my own situation I would not change one moment because I wouldn't be the person I am today... it is true God does not give us more than we can handle.

    May God bless the parents that have brought us into this world, raised us to be caring loving faith centered women, through there love and devotion to each other, their families and our Lord. Amen

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    1. Amen and Amen. Pinkie-5, thank you so much for your support during this time. There is so much that I know you understand. Hugs to you!

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  5. "Being lazy". Woman, don't make me come there. You are not being lazy. If your body is tired, let it rest. Your body knows what it needs to heal. You are an incredible person. I know I could not be as strong as you are.

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    1. I think it is just hard for me to be a good judge of my own level of activity because I am more of a spiritual/intellectual/emotional person and not as active physically by nature. So it is easy for me to be inactive. I know this, so I push myself. But I am learning to cut myself slack. I am backing down from some work and social things. I want to be able to do all of it, but I have to give some of it up. It's part of my lessons on sacrifice. I think you sell yourself short, friend. Situations have a way of calling out of us strength we don't know we have.

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  6. Bumps and Hiccups. Reminds me of the true story I heard of a man who loved to snow ski, but lost one leg in an accident. He was told he'd never ski again. Instead of listening to the experts, he had a friend with the right skills fashion a prosthetic leg with a small ski in place of a foot. When asked how, even with that unique prosthetic, he thought he'd be able to ski one-legged, he replied, "That's just a minor inconvenience." And he skied.

    Like him, your attitude will take you far, bumps and hiccups notwithstanding.

    Also, I like the narrative style of this blog entry, including the insights into both your doctor and your friend Amy. You are living a story. Might as well document it that way. After all, you ARE a writer.

    Continue to be good to yourself. Take care.

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    1. Thank you, D.B. You know I value your comments on the craft as a writer. I too like the approach I took, and will try it again sometime. I felt like I was crafting a piece, which is unusual for me when I write nonfiction. There is definitely a creative aspect to writing nonfiction well-- the angle, tone, literary devices, plot all come into play to elevating a piece toward art.

      Never thought of my life as a subject for the art. Thank you for the concept. Write on!

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